Another One of Those Typical Days

Dear Readers,

A recent fun Sunday consisted of a series of pleasurable activities.  We, the residents of the Oakland Morehouse, often use having out-of-town guests as an excuse to throw a Sunday brunch.  On this particular day, a lovely woman named April was the reason to party.  Sierra did most of the cooking, along with her friend Ramadin (whose sister is the aforementioned April), and the rest of us helped by setting the table, putting out the platters of food, etc.  After many pancakes, waffles, eggs and potatoes were consumed, we were still gathered around the table, as the conversation had clearly been the most satisfying aspect of the meal, and no one wanted it to end.

Lynne and I finally tore ourselves away, however, as we had plans.  We walked down to the lake, then through the park to the Lake Merritt Boating Center, and rented ourselves a rowboat.  It was a beautiful day, perfect for being on the water.  Lynne, who had spent every summer of her childhood on the family lake, is an accomplished rower.  The best that can be said about my skills is that I can row.  So Lynne got us out to the middle of the lake, and then we traded turns twice more before returning the boat an hour later.  It was glorious.  Once we were away from the dock, we entered an altered reality.  No longer were we bound to an urban landscape that was the backdrop to our everyday lives (as fun as those lives are), but were instead vacationing in the middle of a lakeside resort.  We floated past pelicans and kayakers, and breathed in the slightly salty air.  True, it was only an hour, but it was surprisingly restorative.

Then, back home for a groovy.  Chris had been hell-bent to organize the laundry room/paint room/tool room.  He and David were already hard at it when I got there, taking years of useful and not-so-useful items off the shelves and dividing them into piles of where they would go next.  When it was done, all the paint was on one set of shelves, all the tools on another, and everything else was outta there!  It was so gratifying to unsnarl this mess and restore order and beauty to such an important room.

The plan for the evening was an 8pm screening of O Brother Where Art Thou at Cinema Shawn in the living room.  But before that was Taco Night.  The indomitable Chris likes to set up do-it-yourself tacos for the whole family.  He puts out individual platters of chopped onions, tomatoes, lettuce, shredded cheese, sour cream, chopped beef, diced chicken and fish, and beans, and we do our best to stuff all the ingredients in toasted taco shells.  Neatness doesn’t count.  This was a lovely precursor to the movie, which many of us who’d seen it before said we liked much better this time around.  Maybe it was the after-dinner haze.

Anyway, it was just one of those Sunday’s where the day was scheduled with serially fun activities, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

Thanks for reading.

Best,

Gerry

Perfection includes the potential for change.

-- Vic Baranco

Lynne's Healthcare Adventure – Part IV

July 22 - “To Normal, and Beyond!”

Dear Family,

It's been three weeks since my last report, and in that time Lynne has made an almost ridiculous amount of progress.

• She has taken to walking downstairs without using the railing.

• For her birthday last Saturday, we went to brunch, shopping, and a movie. There was more walking involved than we had planned, and she did it all with a cane, the occasional hand on my shoulder, and glee.

• On Tuesday, her physical therapy team cleared her to walk on her own anywhere, without benefit of cane or walker. They encouraged her to go out to public places, like groceries stores, and navigate with no help. 

Lynne and I were alone in the kitchen on Tuesday evening when she told me she wanted to see if she could dance, given the regenerating nerves in her right foot. I tuned the radio to a music station and we “gave it a whirl.” I'm happy to report that she not only dances, she leads! We're scheduled to attend a party this Saturday night, and Lynne is looking forward to making me jealous by dancing with every man who asks her (and many will).

I'm looking forward to it, too.

Love to you all,
Gerry


Hello folks, we're back in present time:

That was the last installment of the update emails I wrote to my family while Lynne was recovering from her surgery. As happily as the story ends, things have gotten even better since then. 

Last winter, one of the things that Lynne had had to give up was Bikram yoga, because the cyst was causing her too much pain. This past Sunday, she went to her first Bikram class since the surgery, and she experienced no pain at all. She had a great class and even felt good the next day.

Tuesday was Lynne’s final physical therapy session, and the PT gave her some really challenging exercises to do from here on out. She is running around "normally," and she's feeling increasing sensation in her right foot as the weeks go by. She is very happy her body feels as good as it does, and is enjoying the challenges of living a life worth living.  Bring 'em on!

Thanks for reading.

Best Regards,
Gerry

You have to love somebody to be enthusiastic and it has to start with yourself.
-- Vic Baranco

Lynne's Healthcare Adventure – Part III

June 21 - “Tennis Anyone?”

Hi All,

Lynne is being truly inspirational. Today she and her PT, Mike, had me witness Lynne walking about 25 feet without the aid of a walker, and walking up a flight of stairs with a railing, and back down, twice! At first Mike shadowed her, then he taught me how to do it, exactly where and how to stand in case she needed help, and the most efficient ways to catch her should she fall. But neither of us touched her once. She did all of it independently.

Mike explained that he didn't want her to do more because, while her motor skills are clearly improving rapidly, she still needs to build up her endurance. She takes some pretty deep naps between sessions. Throughout the actual exercises, and while listening to Mike's explanations, Lynne's face was beaming. It's odd to say it, but she's having the time of her life.

At one point this afternoon I was talking with the OT trainee, a truly lovely, gracious young woman named Minnie. She that Lynne was “cooperative and motivated. It's nice to have patients like that.”

More later.

Love,
Gerry

June 25 - “The Latest from LynneWatch 2012”
Hi Friends,

The plan is still for Lynne to be discharged on Friday. The main focus that remains is training her to walk properly on her right foot without benefit of much sensation in it. They can't really project to what degree or how fast those particular nerves will regenerate. In the meantime, they teach her to use other cues, like visual, or gauging the proper position of her foot by how her hip feels. Until they feel confident that she can consistently walk without endangering herself – and she makes great progress every day in physical therapy – they will keep her there. Once she does come home, she will still likely have regularly-scheduled outpatient sessions. We're holding the vision that her sensation will eventually come back completely, but we also understand that everything is speculation at this point. For sure she is thrilled that she can now sit without pain, something she couldn't do at all prior to the surgery.

Whether or not Lynne is discharged on Friday, we're aiming for her to be well enough for the hospital to allow me to take her to Lafayette on Thursday evening for the third session of a five-session course she and I have been taking there (Saying Yes to Pleasure - with Lab). She was originally only expected to miss the first session, and the school went out of its way to make sure two assistant teachers (who also happen to be our friends Dave and Millie) drove from Lafayette to San Leandro on Saturday with a laptop and DVD of Session #2 so she could catch up with the rest of us.  We're all hoping she'll be able to attend Session #3 in person.

That's the news from Lake Woebegone. Thanks for your constant good wishes.

Best to everyone,
Gerry

July 2 - “Lady Liberty”
Dear Family,

Hallelujah! Lynne was discharged on Thursday, a day earlier than scheduled. Her therapy staff determined that, since they were clearing her to attend the course in Lafayette Thursday night, they might as well let her come home afterward, rather than insist that she return to the hospital that night, only to be released the next day.

It is wonderful for everyone, especially Lynne, to have her home. One friend told her that this is when the time of patience begins. Of all the qualities I love about Lynne, her lack of patience is one of her most endearing. Her recovery is proceeding according to schedule, but, to Lynne, that's way too slow. She may have to use a walker around the house, and there are many stairs, but she has quickly started expressing her independence. She tends to park the walker when she enters a room and then use the counter-tops and furniture to help her navigate. Her weekly outpatient PT sessions start next week, but this phase clearly won't last long. She already likes to show off by lifting her hands away from the walker as she moves, in order to prove she doesn't really need it.

Updates as they occur.

Love to you all,
Gerry

Lynne's Healthcare Adventure – Part II

Dear Friends,

Thanks for your responses to the first installment.   Some of you expressed a desire to know how Lynne is doing now.  The answer is really, really, well.  You'll see as the story progresses.

Thanks for reading.

Best,
Gerry

You will never lose at calling a person to perform at his highest level.
- Vic Baranco

 

June 17 - “Lynne: Day 5”

Dear Family,

As you know, Lynne was transferred yesterday to the Rehab Center at Fairmont Hospital in San Leandro. It is much pleasanter than it had been at Highland. Less modern, but more gemütlich, like the Hollywood hospital scenes of the 1950's. The atmosphere is quiet and mellow. The room is far more spacious and her bed is by a window that opens. I brought her her iPod, which helps a lot. She met with a physical therapist and an occupational therapist for an assessment. She has yet to be able to sit up straight on the edge of the bed without pain, much less walk. The PT said the preferred therapy for back issues like hers is motion rather than rest, so they will be encouraging her to get out of bed when they start her program on Monday. He gave her some exercises to do while lying in bed that will help make her spinal cord more flexible.

Thank you all for your constant loving attention.

Love,
Gerry

June 18 - “SitRep”

Hi,

Lynne was quite cheerful when I visited her today after her first full day of physical therapy. She was able to take her first shower today since last Monday. It's impossible to overstate how much that meant to her.

Her attitude is upbeat, determined and matter-of-fact. She enthusiastically related to me the developments of the day. She gets to and from her bed and wheelchair like a pro (with a nurse standing by to catch her just in case). She has substantially upgraded her level of communication in order to be precise with her PT, OT, and nurses. She needs to be able to ask them questions and give them instructions to make sure she's fully responsible for her rehab process. In addition, many of them are not A1 speakers of English, so she has to be even more deliberate in order to get through. She seems to be thoroughly enjoying the challenge. Her goal is to be able to handle stairs without assistance before she's discharged. (There are stairs from the street to the front door of our house, and our bedroom is on the second floor.)

Our housemates have been awesome about visiting her. Not only that, but our car died on Friday, and the housemates have totally stepped up to the plate regarding getting me to and from the hospital each day to visit her. I have been offered rides by everyone in the house that owns a car. I have not had to miss a day yet. 

June 21 - “Guts and Glory”

Dear Family,

When I arrived at Lynne's bedside yesterday, she pulled me closer and whispered a guilty secret. “I am having SO MUCH FUN!” She really loves her physical therapy sessions. She says it's as if she's having a reunion with her own body. Her PT, Mike, is so knowledgeable and so dedicated, and whenever I visit she excitedly tells me every detail about every exercise they did that day, and his explanation of why they do it. She is positively glowing. It's as if she has been given a “do-over” and is starting from scratch learning how to use her body .

Lynne's pain is being managed with medication to the point that she doesn't have the spikes that she'd been experiencing often when she stood up from her bed to get into her wheelchair. She was officially cleared today to make the transfer without having to wait for a nurse to come and stand by.

Today, a couple of the OT staff took us down to the model bathroom in the Occupational Therapy department and showed her how to get in and out of the shower, and showed me where I'm going to have to install grab-bars in the shower at home so she can navigate safely. The head of OT took me aside and said she's making so much progress that the original projection of a discharge next Friday could be an overestimation, and that she may get out earlier in the week.

She's so appreciating everyone's attention and support. Today, she listened to a voicemail from my sister while sitting at lunch, and she started to cry. The nurse came over and asked if she was all right, and she smiled and said yes.

Much love to all,
Gerry

Stay tuned for Part III, y'all!

“Lynne's Healthcare Adventure – Part I”

Dear Friends,

Lynne is currently enjoying her best physical health in quite some time, and it comes at the end of a recent challenging journey through the public healthcare system. Rather than tell you the tale of the past two months, I thought it might be fun to show you a compilation of the periodic updates I sent to my family and some friends throughout the experience.

Once I put these emails together, I saw that I would be posting something three time as long as what you usually read from me, so I'm going to divide it up. This post is the first installment.

As always, I appreciate you reading.

Best,

Gerry

You only forget the things you don't care to remember.
- Vic Baranco

 

June 7 - “Lynne's Surgery”

Hi Family,

As most of you know, Lynne has had sciatica on and off for over a year. The pain has had different manifestations, the current one being that she has to stand pretty much nonstop because it hurts too much to sit. An MRI has revealed a 3-cm mass, a cystic lesion, on her T-12 and L-1 vertebrae, which is most likely pressing on the sciatic nerve. She is scheduled for surgery next Tuesday, June 12 to remove the lesion. The operation involves her lying on her stomach while they enter through her back. She will be in the hospital for a few days after the surgery before coming home. The doctors at Alameda Medical Center - Highland Hospital have an excellent reputation, so we are expecting good outcomes. 

Thanks for your good thoughts.

Love,
Gerry

June 12 - “Lynne”

Hi All,

The surgery was completely successful, in that they were able to remove the entire mass and all her post-surgery motor functions check out fine. In addition, they did a frozen section and found that the tumor was completely benign. They won't be able to know for some time about sensation (pain or numbness) or how much the removal of the tumor will affect her sciatica.

The surgical team numbered at least five, and they introduced themselves to us ahead of time, clearly competent and confident. The operation took about 6 1/2 hours, and those of the doctors with whom I spoke afterwards were all smiles at the results. When I left her this evening, Lynne was quite groggy but smiling and conversing. Pretty impressive, considering she'd just been told she'd have to stay completely flat on her back for 24 hours. I'll be returning to the hospital at 8am.

Many thanks to all for you for the constant blessings being sent our way.

Overwhelmed with love,
Gerry

June 13 - “Day Two”

Hi Loved Ones,

After 24 hours in the Patient After-Care Unit because no beds were available in the hospital, Lynne was moved to an actual room today, which she shares with three other patients. The hospital had hoped to get her a better room, but they were desperate for space in the PACU and had to get her out of there. It was quite a shock to her system. In the PACU, there had been limited access and she was surrounded by nurses. In her room, she is surrounded by patients with large families and loud TVs. In addition, her doctors had told her that she was doing so well that she could get up and move around. But when she got to her new room and tried to move, it was too painful to do so, and she had to take more pain medication. She was very disappointed, as she had been looking forward to more mobility. However, once the meds kicked in and she got acclimated to the new place, she calmed down dramatically and was actually able to nap for a while before a nurse came in with a computer and started taking all her information. I'm rallying the troops to visit her while I'm at work.

Let's all pray that her recovery is so swift that she can come home sooner rather than later to her familiar house and her close friends.

Thank you all for your love and support.

Love,
Gerry

June 15 - “Update”

Hi Everyone,

Lynne has improved immensely. Today she was able to stand with the aid of a walker. Tomorrow she is being transferred to a rehab facility in order to focus on physical therapy. She still has to take a lot of pain medication and we are told that the newly-freed nerves in her spine may take some time to recover.

Yay!

Love,

Gerry

Well, readers, that's all for now.  As you'll see in the next installments, things get better and better from here.

Our Best Friend

Dear Friends,

As some of you have already heard, we recently had to put our beloved dog, Spritzie, to sleep. She was 14 years old.

Intellectually, I have to accept that other pet owners are as attached to their animals as we were to ours, but on an emotional level it's really hard to believe. Spritzie had been so intertwined with our souls for so many years that it truly feels as if a physical part of us has been wrenched from us. She saw us through so much, most recently the upheaval of our move to California. No matter how stressful things got, she was always there to be hugged. She died the day after our two-year anniversary of moving here. It's as if she were saying, “You guys can handle things on your own now. My work here is done.”

I have a tendency to be over-affectionate. I have had to learn over the years not to stroke, hug and nuzzle everybody for whom I have positive feelings. It makes people understandably uncomfortable. Spritzie had no such compunctions. I could pour out my love onto her, and she would take it and take it and take it, and still welcome more. I have many recollections of her lying on her side in the middle of the floor, say, during family gatherings at Lynne's parents house in Connecticut. Everyone would be sitting around the living room talking, and I would be unable to restrain myself. I would throw myself prostrate on the carpet and bury my face in Spritzie's flank and breathe in her dogness. Yes, I had the thought that the others might be judging this as a ridiculous way for a grown man to behave, but this concern paled in the glow of how good it felt to love my dog. I'm at a loss as to how I'm going to replace this experience.

More than one person has mentioned the possibility of us getting another puppy, but this is hard for us to imagine. It seems impossible to us that Spritzie can ever be replaced. Also, if I let myself consider owning another dog, all I can picture is having to go through this grief again, albeit many years from now. All that aside, our experience is that Spritzie's not entirely gone yet. Many of our moment-to-moment, day-to-day responses are to a presence that is no longer there, but feels as if it is. Her bed is still in its customary spot next to the radiator, and Lynne occasionally puts a dog treat in it, like a cup of wine for Elijah. It does disappear, but I'm guessing that's more likely the work of an opportunistic Amenshi (Sierra and Jess' dog) than the ghost of Spritzie.

While Lynne and I had fantasies of Spritzie living much longer than she did, she left us owing us nothing. Many dogs pass away younger than 14, and we are grateful that she provided us with such an intense level of happiness for so many years. As the neurologist, who had recently lost her cat, said, it's worth the pain of losing her to have had the joy of having her. Amen to that.

Thanks for reading.

Best Regards,
Gerry

Life without emotion is food without seasoning.
-- Vic Baranco

St. Valentine Would Have Been Proud

As promised, the party report:

The decorations were festive and the food and drink were plentiful. The theme was Tuxes, Teddies and Togas. People dressed in formalwear, lingerie, and Greco-Romanwear. There was a Cupid's Corner crafts table with paper, stickers, markers, scissors, glue, etc., where guests sat and created pretty and clever valentines. They would then summon one of the three Official Cupids (Nicole, Lynne or me) to deliver their notes to other party guests. Some of the valentines were signed From a Secret Admirer, while others had the name of the sender. One man had me deliver a valentine to a woman that said, “I think you're cute and I'd like to get to know you better.” They were at opposite ends of the party from each other, and she immediately walked over, sat down next to him and started conversing with him. Imagine how proud this Cupid was!

Photos below.

Thanks for reading (and looking)!

Best,
Gerry

Romance is approving of the responses of your partner.
-- Vic Baranco

All Power to the Party!

Hi Friends,

It's been a long time since I last wrote, and that was when I reported on our unbelievably awesome Halloween Party. “Halloween was a long time ago,” the little voice in my head keeps saying with its hands on its hips. The truth is, I've been hesitating to update you about our lives, because mostly what I have to report about is more parties. I envision my inner voice demanding, “What is it with you people? Why are you always partying?” The answer I've been avoiding telling myself is “Why the hell not?”

One of Vic's most famous viewpoints is that fun is the goal, and love is the way. It turns out that it's not just girls who want to have fun. Everyone does. However, we're raised in a culture suspicious of people who want fun to be more than just a break from the not-fun parts of their lives. Even having lived in Morehouse for as long as I have, I still worry that people will think I'm a lightweight if I say that partying is my highest priority.

Well, so be it! Since Halloween, gatherings large and small at our house have included a lovely and intimate Thanksgiving dinner, a Christmas Eve dinner, a present-opening party and a ridiculously sumptuous brunch on Christmas Day. We also had a big, kickass, combination New Years Eve/Nicole's Birthday Party. Of course, a common aspect of life in a Morehouse is that spontaneous parties tend to break out frequently simply out of our proximity to each other and our common belief that fun is the highest goal.

And partying can take myriad forms. In fact, it could be said that a party is in the eye of the beholder. How about this? I've spent more than 20 years hearing people wonder what it would take to have more fun at weekly house meetings. Nicole, our housemother, has pulled it off. For the past month, she's invited us all up to her room for house meetings. It's very relaxed and convivial, and she somehow manages to make sure that what's going on is a party at which house business happens to get done. And, amidst all the teasing and the laughter and the camaraderie, house business actually does get done. The meetings rarely last more than an hour, and everything that needs to get discussed does. (The agenda often includes party planning!)

We're currently gearing up for our big annual Valentine's Party. The theme will be Tuxes, Teddies and Togas. I'll let your imagination take care of the rest, and I'll report in after the party with photos.

Also, be on the lookout for an announcement about the two-hour course Pleasurable Relationships, coming soon to the Oakland Morehouse. Lynne and I will be teacher trainees in that one!

Finally, a shout-out to Suzanne and Matt, who have been presenting the six-week videoconference seminar Having Pleasurable Relationships Series in Manhattan. The final session is this Friday, February 3, from 7pm to 9pm. The topic is Responsible Hedonism.

Thanks for reading!

Best,
Gerry

My life is great and it's all your fault.
-- Vic Baranco